Day 42

Milestones often bring out the "reflector" in me.
 
I have passed the 40 day mark on this program, and it makes me want to take stock.

My most striking impression is one of relief.  I am just so relieved that I no longer resort to food to pacify myself.  It's only a short-term fix  at best, like any addiction, so the part of me that really needs peace actually stands a much better chance of getting help now than it did while I was caught in the cycle of overeating.  It feels good to be eating clean, eating simply, resisting the old temptations.  They have less and less pull as I patiently observe the boundaries, agreeing with them daily.  Boundaries are a blessing.  I find myself thanking God for them.  And I'm writing it down, just in case I get another attack of wanting to blur those boundaries.  Please, Lord, let me remember what that really looks like!  Prison!.

I will admit here that the discomfort of facing stress as it comes is still.....uncomfortable.   I guess that's the point.  Trying to find ways not to feel it is really not that helpful.  I do find comfort, though, in realizing that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  He actually does meet needs, sometimes in very unexpected ways.  He really does stand ready to heal us-----when we finally stop resisting His way of doing it.   He really  will strengthen me to do what is before me.   But not to do what is only my imagination!

Interestingly, I have not lost much weight that I'm aware of.  On this program, the scale is definitely downplayed----in fact, you're instructed to stay off it during each six week phase, only weighing at the beginning and at the end, if you so choose.  I chose not to weigh, because really, that's not my focus.  My attitude is my primary concern, and I see excellent progress there.   My clothes do feel looser, my ring is falling off my finger (why the fingers??  Why not the hips???)  But there is no dramatic weight loss to report.  And you know what?  That's just fine.  I'm in this for the long haul!

Finally, I think back to my time of wandering-----it's a bit like proving  a sum by working it backwards.  The basic guidelines of the program turn out to be exactly as they were presented-----basic and solid.  A good home base.  What I learned the first time around, twelve years ago, is now only confirmed by my time of "trying other methods" (yes, I tried the HCG diet.  Not recommended.  Yes, I tried "eating what I felt led to eat and letting my body tell me."   I'm sure that works for some people.  My own body and mind are too confused to do that.  I need structure!)

Next time I will share some fun, easy, recipes that have helped me stay the course.  Stay tuned!