Enjoying "no"

Yup.  I made these cupcakes for my granddaughter Lily's second birthday.  And in my book, they're victory cupcakes-----because at day 33 of this discipline, I was able to go through every step of the creation of them without sampling them!   For any of you with an eating disorder (mine is compulsive overeating) you know that is major!

So I want to remind myself how it feels to reverse the gears of my addiction.

As I went through the process, I took note of all the places where I would have felt an absolute obligation to "make sure it tasted right" or "not let those crumbs go to waste".  I gathered up all the little odds and ends of cupcake crumbs left over from trimming and filling them, and I put them in the compost!  I washed out the bowls with the last scrapings of batter, and the filling, and the frosting, and let it all go down the drain.   Even the beaters:-)  I've licked plenty of beaters, no need to continue!

I used the word obligation just now-----when you're in bondage, you have such tunnel vision, don't you?  You can't see the obvious.  The frosting was not holding a gun to my head, after all.  But....but.....it feels like something is forcing you, doesn't it?   I am thanking God for the will to step out of the invisible prison that was holding me,  the "time out" of this program, so I could catch my breath and look at my captor unmasked.    Oh.  Wow.   It only has the power I give it.  I think I will name it Indulgence.  For reasons I am still sorting through, I have felt a perverse loyalty to it.  I think James calls it like it is in the first chapter of his epistle "For each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin,; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death" James 1: 14-15
So James calls it Desire----I am refining it to Indulgence.  Whatever you want to call it, it's debilitating.

How did it feel to say "no" to those cupcakes?  It felt clean.  It felt purposeful.  I was able to enjoy the creative process more fully.  I felt balanced, knowing that it's not the cupcakes that are evil----there may come a day when I can take a bite and enjoy it, able to judge when I've had enough.  I enjoyed watching everyone else enjoying them----and watching some people resist, too:-)   It felt like maybe I'm growing up a little.  Wow----God's way is so much more satisfying.  What a ripoff to be compulsive!   Praying for a continuation for seeing things more the way He does!