(if anyone is actually doing the program, the lesson I read today is from week 4, not week 3. When I joined my group, they were already a week ahead of me, so I just quickly reviewed the first week and jumped in. Not recommended for someone who's never done the program-------but I'm a returning veteran:-)
From my journal, which often is written as a prayer:
Father, the lesson today is about addiction and compulsion. Twelve years into my PRISM experience, I am still unpacking. Why is that, I wonder? I have yet to truly lay it down (whatever "it" is.......) I am more comfortable "controlling" the behavior-----either by abstaining as I am right now, or by abandoning myself to it. In fact, I suspect that keeping the "behavior" as an option helps to distract me from that dreaded "it". Wow.........it seems like a lot of gymnastics to go through. I wonder what would happen if I turned around and looked at whatever "it" is that's been chasing me all these years? Lord, I think I have felt that I couldn't face it alone, and it has taken me all these years to get real enough to even recognize it. Now I can see it at work, and as I do I also know that I have a great Friend to walk me through it to the other side. The side of sanity! Where You live! That's what I want, Lord, more than anything. I want to believe your truth and tell it boldly, starting with myself! I want there to be no sin block between us! I sense your smile even as I write-----it must be a happy thing to get one of your children to this point:-) Carry me through, Lord! Amen
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