Last, week, with the best of intentions, I climbed back on my "horse"----let's call my steed "Disciple". I like that-----maybe I will describe him more as we go along :-) But by the end of the week I had once again fallen off, and was wandering around in the land of cookies, second helpings, and pants that don't fit right any more. Ha! How many times has this scene been repeated in my life? Let's not start counting. Instead, let me resolve to climb back on to Disciple's forgiving back and start again. I recall the verse in James that tells us "If any of you lack wisdom (which seems to be an ongoing condition with me!), he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him" James 1:5
So, I'm asking. And it occurs to me that as I continue to exercise this asking, it develops humility. It works that muscle! As I humbly admit my lack and climb back on my steed, something more lasting than my "right weight" will be strengthened. Now THAT is my kind of resolution!
This year, I have pondered what one word would describe what I want to see happening in my heart. After much very interesting brainstorming, the word "YES" drifted down onto my page and stayed put. I want to say "Yes, Lord" without dragging my feet. I want to agree with His beautiful sanity. My prayer this January morning is that I will learn to stay on Disciple's back and go where he takes me. And I think part of how that will look is that there will be daily entries here. So, barring unforeseen circumstances, I'll see you here tomorrow! Happy Monday!
Monday, January 7, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
The next phase.......
My last post here was dated July 12, 2012.
I had pared down to an easy size 12, which for me is just right, and felt energized and light on my feet.
I had also determined that it was time to start baking commercially again, and at the end of July I returned to our local Grower's Market with a van load of bagels and treats. It was so good to be back, to see familiar faces, to have a satisfying weekly routine of work. Happy sigh.
As the months went by, my size stayed pretty stable, even though I was not on such a strict regimen. Even now, I am not far from my goal weight. But once again, my favorite outfits seem just a little snug----and after a fresh taste of enjoying how it feels to be light and active, I'm not up for returning to the sweatpants mentality----you know what I mean!!
But those habits! Once again, I am seeing a need to return to the discipline of no sugar, no white flour, 1200 calories. What better day than Jan 1! I no longer participate in the Prism group------more's the pity. Group accountability is such a help! But in its absence, I turn to this blog and resolve to keep it updated, charting my progress. My prayer is that as I practice this discipline that I know, the hidden issues that motivate me will be revealed and resolved. One day at a time.
One thing I want to note here is that I am not truly encouraged by the standard motivational tactics used in most weight-loss/management programs. I've been cultivating this area for most of my life, and am no longer trustful of the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps, you can do it!" mentality. I am convinced there is a deeper, surer, wiser way to face any of our issues. That's what I want to explore here, with God's guidance.
I had pared down to an easy size 12, which for me is just right, and felt energized and light on my feet.
I had also determined that it was time to start baking commercially again, and at the end of July I returned to our local Grower's Market with a van load of bagels and treats. It was so good to be back, to see familiar faces, to have a satisfying weekly routine of work. Happy sigh.
As the months went by, my size stayed pretty stable, even though I was not on such a strict regimen. Even now, I am not far from my goal weight. But once again, my favorite outfits seem just a little snug----and after a fresh taste of enjoying how it feels to be light and active, I'm not up for returning to the sweatpants mentality----you know what I mean!!
But those habits! Once again, I am seeing a need to return to the discipline of no sugar, no white flour, 1200 calories. What better day than Jan 1! I no longer participate in the Prism group------more's the pity. Group accountability is such a help! But in its absence, I turn to this blog and resolve to keep it updated, charting my progress. My prayer is that as I practice this discipline that I know, the hidden issues that motivate me will be revealed and resolved. One day at a time.
One thing I want to note here is that I am not truly encouraged by the standard motivational tactics used in most weight-loss/management programs. I've been cultivating this area for most of my life, and am no longer trustful of the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps, you can do it!" mentality. I am convinced there is a deeper, surer, wiser way to face any of our issues. That's what I want to explore here, with God's guidance.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Encouragement
Just want to share a blog that has been encouraging me lately, It's called The Gracious Pantry, and is chock full of recipes, stories, and support for folks on a weight loss journey. Yay! She focuses on "clean eating", which is basically what the PRISM program emphasizes. Enjoy!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Self is my Samaria
Food for Thought: John 4: 1-30---the Woman at the Well
So, it started with a reflection about my bondage to a pre-existing condition.
Self.
It's inescapable, really, isn't it?
We are born with this loud, undisciplined Self, and before we can even think, we are hearing its voice, dancing to its tune, not even thinking to ask whether its desires are valid or not.
As I was praying this morning about this conditon, I found myself looking through layers of understanding------there are needs and concerns that present themselves every day, and I find that spending a morning hour with my Father, talking them over, helps me pierce through to the meat of the matter.
On this blog, I am addressing my attitudes about how I receive nourishment, so that's one of the concerns that gets covered as we have our morning session. Here's what came out on paper this morning:
Father God, my native language is SELF.
Self-talk comes out of me by default.
Self-protection is a reflex. Self-pity, self-absorption, self-obsession all came with the original equipment.
Just acknowledging it is evidence of You at work in me to penetrate that condition.
Left to myself, I would not know how to reverse this common curse of mankind.
But You are holy, Lord, and You have chosen me to be holy and blameless in Christ.
Accepting that gift is a profound wonder and a mystery..
I am still in this dying tent-----but inside me is an eternal hope.
It is from this sanctuary that I write----a different Sue lives here, a transformed, trusting, soft and receptive soul, plump with gratitude, lubricated with joy, supremely well-fed by a Maker with a mind-blowing master plan.
As I head into my day full of earthy concerns, remind me to return here for refreshment.
Living Water.
Self is my Samaria, but you are my Living Water.
I believe, Lord; help thou my unbelief!
So, it started with a reflection about my bondage to a pre-existing condition.
Self.
It's inescapable, really, isn't it?
We are born with this loud, undisciplined Self, and before we can even think, we are hearing its voice, dancing to its tune, not even thinking to ask whether its desires are valid or not.
As I was praying this morning about this conditon, I found myself looking through layers of understanding------there are needs and concerns that present themselves every day, and I find that spending a morning hour with my Father, talking them over, helps me pierce through to the meat of the matter.
On this blog, I am addressing my attitudes about how I receive nourishment, so that's one of the concerns that gets covered as we have our morning session. Here's what came out on paper this morning:
Father God, my native language is SELF.
Self-talk comes out of me by default.
Self-protection is a reflex. Self-pity, self-absorption, self-obsession all came with the original equipment.
Just acknowledging it is evidence of You at work in me to penetrate that condition.
Left to myself, I would not know how to reverse this common curse of mankind.
But You are holy, Lord, and You have chosen me to be holy and blameless in Christ.
Accepting that gift is a profound wonder and a mystery..
I am still in this dying tent-----but inside me is an eternal hope.
It is from this sanctuary that I write----a different Sue lives here, a transformed, trusting, soft and receptive soul, plump with gratitude, lubricated with joy, supremely well-fed by a Maker with a mind-blowing master plan.
As I head into my day full of earthy concerns, remind me to return here for refreshment.
Living Water.
Self is my Samaria, but you are my Living Water.
I believe, Lord; help thou my unbelief!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
OCD
I admit it----I suffer from OCD. Oldest Child Disease (No, not Obessive Compulsive Disorder-----although I suppose you could stretch that term to fit this problem) In this
unpleasant malady, the subject has the delusion that they are
responsible for....pretty much everything. This creates conflict and
unpleasantness, especially with people who know better----which is
pretty much everyone. Well, except those poor souls who hope that
someone, somewhere will take responsiblity for them.
People with OCD often fall into the trap of trying to help that kind of
person----which creates an even messier, hard to break bond of
sinfulness. I think the recognized term for that is co-dependence. To take it one step further, I have found that even when someone with that corresponding need wants to break through it, a hard-core Oldest Child will make that very difficult. Aaarrrghhh. Guilty as charged.
The greatest conflict caused is the one between my Creator and myself. After all, as patient and merciful as he is, he can't allow this kind of thing to continue. He has been bringing this illness to my attention quite skillfully lately, through some key relationships, and after the first horror and loathing, I am finding myself grateful and (almost) relieved. I say almost, because the disease generates a sense of guilt about relief----which results in a horrible craving for it-----which morphs into addictions of many flavors. Mine has been overeating. Maybe the Pharisees were suffering from OCD-----their behavior certainly points in that direction. You get points for being rigidly self-governed, to the exclusion of the One who put you on the planet. Ultimately, only the points count. God is out of the picture.
All this to say, I want very much to repent. And an important step in repentance is confession .
Yesterday I had an uncomfortable, messy, but ultimately hopeful conversation with one of the people that has been locked in this kind of relational two-step with me. Face-to-face confessions are vital, I am finding. But I often feel a need to also document the process. I suppose I am confessing to myself! I am suffering too----not so much a perpetrator as a victim myself. The very kind of person Jesus promised to rescue and re-habilitate! Please, Lord, keep doing that! Save me from myself!!
This morning, as I was turning all this over in my mind, offering it up to God like the sloppy mudpie it is, this comforting thought surfaced. I wrote it on an index card and put it near my computer, so I can be reminded daily of its truth: Lord, let me remember that the way things unfold is never my doing, even when I am an enthusiastic participant!
And then I discovered this scripture, that reminds me of the same truth, so that went on an index card, too:
"But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God" John 3:21
The greatest conflict caused is the one between my Creator and myself. After all, as patient and merciful as he is, he can't allow this kind of thing to continue. He has been bringing this illness to my attention quite skillfully lately, through some key relationships, and after the first horror and loathing, I am finding myself grateful and (almost) relieved. I say almost, because the disease generates a sense of guilt about relief----which results in a horrible craving for it-----which morphs into addictions of many flavors. Mine has been overeating. Maybe the Pharisees were suffering from OCD-----their behavior certainly points in that direction. You get points for being rigidly self-governed, to the exclusion of the One who put you on the planet. Ultimately, only the points count. God is out of the picture.
All this to say, I want very much to repent. And an important step in repentance is confession .
Yesterday I had an uncomfortable, messy, but ultimately hopeful conversation with one of the people that has been locked in this kind of relational two-step with me. Face-to-face confessions are vital, I am finding. But I often feel a need to also document the process. I suppose I am confessing to myself! I am suffering too----not so much a perpetrator as a victim myself. The very kind of person Jesus promised to rescue and re-habilitate! Please, Lord, keep doing that! Save me from myself!!
This morning, as I was turning all this over in my mind, offering it up to God like the sloppy mudpie it is, this comforting thought surfaced. I wrote it on an index card and put it near my computer, so I can be reminded daily of its truth: Lord, let me remember that the way things unfold is never my doing, even when I am an enthusiastic participant!
And then I discovered this scripture, that reminds me of the same truth, so that went on an index card, too:
"But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God" John 3:21
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Bluebery Oatmeal
Remember the refrigerator oatmeal I posted about?
I still love it for a summer breakfast, but here in Oregon we've been hit with some dreary, rainy mornings, and cold oatmeal just wasn't cutting it!
I like to keep my breakfast calories down to 250 calories, and this hits the mark. Here's what I do:
in a small saucepan combine:
1/2 c. uncooked rolled oats (I like regular, but quick also works)155 cal.
1/2 c. frozen blueberries 40 cal.
1 1/2 c. water
Cook over medium heat until thickened, takes maybe 4 minutes. I like to let it cool a little before
putting it in my bowl, and it thickens a bit as it cools, too.
I like to add 1/2 tbsp. of peanut butter 50 cal.
and salt, stevia, cinnamon, and (gasp) cayenne pepper :-)
The whole breakfast comes to 245 satisfying calories.
Enjoy!
Monday, May 28, 2012
Day 42
Milestones often bring out the "reflector" in me.
I have passed the 40 day mark on this program, and it makes me want to take stock.
My most striking impression is one of relief. I am just so relieved that I no longer resort to food to pacify myself. It's only a short-term fix at best, like any addiction, so the part of me that really needs peace actually stands a much better chance of getting help now than it did while I was caught in the cycle of overeating. It feels good to be eating clean, eating simply, resisting the old temptations. They have less and less pull as I patiently observe the boundaries, agreeing with them daily. Boundaries are a blessing. I find myself thanking God for them. And I'm writing it down, just in case I get another attack of wanting to blur those boundaries. Please, Lord, let me remember what that really looks like! Prison!.
I will admit here that the discomfort of facing stress as it comes is still.....uncomfortable. I guess that's the point. Trying to find ways not to feel it is really not that helpful. I do find comfort, though, in realizing that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." He actually does meet needs, sometimes in very unexpected ways. He really does stand ready to heal us-----when we finally stop resisting His way of doing it. He really will strengthen me to do what is before me. But not to do what is only my imagination!
Interestingly, I have not lost much weight that I'm aware of. On this program, the scale is definitely downplayed----in fact, you're instructed to stay off it during each six week phase, only weighing at the beginning and at the end, if you so choose. I chose not to weigh, because really, that's not my focus. My attitude is my primary concern, and I see excellent progress there. My clothes do feel looser, my ring is falling off my finger (why the fingers?? Why not the hips???) But there is no dramatic weight loss to report. And you know what? That's just fine. I'm in this for the long haul!
Finally, I think back to my time of wandering-----it's a bit like proving a sum by working it backwards. The basic guidelines of the program turn out to be exactly as they were presented-----basic and solid. A good home base. What I learned the first time around, twelve years ago, is now only confirmed by my time of "trying other methods" (yes, I tried the HCG diet. Not recommended. Yes, I tried "eating what I felt led to eat and letting my body tell me." I'm sure that works for some people. My own body and mind are too confused to do that. I need structure!)
Next time I will share some fun, easy, recipes that have helped me stay the course. Stay tuned!
I have passed the 40 day mark on this program, and it makes me want to take stock.
My most striking impression is one of relief. I am just so relieved that I no longer resort to food to pacify myself. It's only a short-term fix at best, like any addiction, so the part of me that really needs peace actually stands a much better chance of getting help now than it did while I was caught in the cycle of overeating. It feels good to be eating clean, eating simply, resisting the old temptations. They have less and less pull as I patiently observe the boundaries, agreeing with them daily. Boundaries are a blessing. I find myself thanking God for them. And I'm writing it down, just in case I get another attack of wanting to blur those boundaries. Please, Lord, let me remember what that really looks like! Prison!.
I will admit here that the discomfort of facing stress as it comes is still.....uncomfortable. I guess that's the point. Trying to find ways not to feel it is really not that helpful. I do find comfort, though, in realizing that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." He actually does meet needs, sometimes in very unexpected ways. He really does stand ready to heal us-----when we finally stop resisting His way of doing it. He really will strengthen me to do what is before me. But not to do what is only my imagination!
Interestingly, I have not lost much weight that I'm aware of. On this program, the scale is definitely downplayed----in fact, you're instructed to stay off it during each six week phase, only weighing at the beginning and at the end, if you so choose. I chose not to weigh, because really, that's not my focus. My attitude is my primary concern, and I see excellent progress there. My clothes do feel looser, my ring is falling off my finger (why the fingers?? Why not the hips???) But there is no dramatic weight loss to report. And you know what? That's just fine. I'm in this for the long haul!
Finally, I think back to my time of wandering-----it's a bit like proving a sum by working it backwards. The basic guidelines of the program turn out to be exactly as they were presented-----basic and solid. A good home base. What I learned the first time around, twelve years ago, is now only confirmed by my time of "trying other methods" (yes, I tried the HCG diet. Not recommended. Yes, I tried "eating what I felt led to eat and letting my body tell me." I'm sure that works for some people. My own body and mind are too confused to do that. I need structure!)
Next time I will share some fun, easy, recipes that have helped me stay the course. Stay tuned!
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